with strings attached

There’s no need for me to give my availability …. care….
respect…’disponibility’ to others, if they are not connected to me
mutually…. spiritually.. Most of the Others are Others, this is the reason why, I simply see them as objects and not an individual. I am always ‘indisponible’towards these others. Strings should be attached between me and Others inorder to give my affection.

Marcel’s philosophy trying to say to me that, I must be ‘disponible’ even Others are ’indisponible’. Just like Jesus philosophy, I must love and give
without waiting in return. But it is hard to put Marcel and Jesus’ lines now because there are lots of questions arise conquering me not to follow their lines.

Questions arise and covering their pages concerning ‘availability’. It is hard
for me to become available to others, if, in the first place, they are not available to me. Why should I care to Others if they don’t care for me? ‘I’ must be the first. Nothing else. As one of the existentialists said, “I must care for myself, because there is no guarantee if Others would care for me.” In putting this into my life, ‘ I cannot assure if Others would care for
me, so I will care for myself first. They must be available first inorder for me to become available to them. They must be connected to ‘I’ first.” I must be the first.